Flashback Blog- Part 2: Growing Desires By Josh

Before beginning this week's flashback blog, we would like to thank Rev. David Ciancimino, S.J., Rev. Fred Betti, S.J., the rest of Canisius High School faculty, staff, administration, and most especially the students.   We are deeply touched by your support and prayers that were beautifully expressed at the school mass on the Ascension Thursday.   There was something truly powerful standing before you with my family and seeing all of you with your hands raised in the same blessing that is prayed when you go out on service days and immersion trips.   Thank you!

May the Christ who walks on wounded feet
    walk with you on the road.
May the Christ who serves with wounded hands
    stretch out your hands to serve.
May the Christ who loves with a wounded heart
    open your hearts to love.
May you see the face of Christ in everyone you meet,
    and may everyone you meet see the face of Christ in you.

Flashback time...



It was time, time to begin looking into FMC.   We received a nudge and our hearts began to burn, and now was the moment to learn more.   We starting exploring FMC's website, familymissionscompany.com.  We began by looking at their videos and the testimonies of the missionaries.   We heard their stories, learned more about their mission, and became familiar with their charisms.  The yearning grew.   In a good way, our hearts became restless.

The following video in particular moved me...

The questions began to grow again.   "What more can I do for Christ? How can I give, give, give?  What would my life look like if I jumped all in with my faith?"

Many of the missionaries have testimonial videos where they shared how God called them.  James Franke's struck me.  I'll let the video speak for itself...

I found myself desiring to go all in.   And of course I was unsure and nervous.   But part of James's prayer that became my prayer.   "God, I don't know what it means to be a missionary.   Lord, I don't know how to do it.   I don't know if I am strong enough, but if this is where You are ultimately calling me, then I give you my yes.   But You are going to have to show me how."

As we explored the website, I found some old friends with whom I had gone to college, Kevin and Andrea Brown.  We set up a Skype date with Andrea in April of 2015.  It was energizing hearing about their eight years of experience with three children at the time.  They served the people of Mexico for four years and then four more years serving the people of Peru.  It was reassuring to actually know a "real" and "normal" family that had done something crazy like this.   While we had questions about little details (How do you do grocery shopping in a third world county?   Will we have pots and pans?) there was an overall growing desire.

During all this too, we also were very much aware of some of the practical needs and situations of our family.   Maria was seven and a half months pregnant during the time of our Skype date.   We realized that there was no realistic way we could make it to a Come and See week scheduled in June; there was another one in August that we could consider.  But we needed to put everything back into God's hands and make sure the baby and mommy were healthy first.   Yes we were crazy enough to be considering selling everything, leaving family and friends, and jobs to do third world missionary work, but there were very practical considerations still in play.   In the words of Jim Gaffigan, "We thought it through."

While we waited for the baby to be born we were not actively doing anything to pursue FMC, but we were prayerfully bringing it before God each day.  Beginning at some point during May and throughout and the rest of the summer Maria and I got up early before work to pray together for about a half hour.   We would start by checking in with each other, sharing where we were at spiritually, emotionally, etc.   We would then turn to the readings for the day.   We would take turns reading, silently reflecting and praying, and then sharing what the Lord seemed to be speaking to us.  We were amazed by two things.  First, how often the readings seemed to respond to where we were at.   Second, how strongly the readings tied in with missionary work.   The first readings often dealt with Abraham being called by God to leave the land of his ancestors and to follow God to a new land.   Later on, a reluctant Moses being called by God to go forth and free the Israelites.  It felt like every morning God was hitting us over the head.

Naomi Rachael was born towards the end of May and everyone was fine.  We continued praying and adjusting to family life with five children.   Once the school year ended in early June, I found myself going through a time of great desolation.   Normally the end of the school year is a time of rejoicing and stress release, but for some reason not last summer.  God continued to be very strongly present in our prayer together in the morning, but I found myself going through a lot of questioning, anxiety, and self-doubting.

By mid-June we knew that Maria and Naomi were doing fine and we began to talk about when would be a good time to call FMC and take the next step.   For some reason Maria and I found ourselves in a holding pattern.   It was like we were waiting, waiting for something, waiting for God to open a door.

The past three years Elijah (eleven at the time) has gone a Christian summer camp that is organized and ran by a community called the People of Praise.   I had grown up in community and had gone to camp from fourth grade all the way through high school.   In college I went back as a counselor.   Elijah has had a lot of powerful experiences at camp, and in addition to fun and games and friends, camp has positively influenced his faith life.   Having been a camper myself, and now seeing my son go to camp, I would strongly encourage parents to consider sending their children.

Last summer's camp was during the last week of June.  After coming home, Maria and Elijah walked to the local grocery store and Maria used that opportunity to ask about camp and in particular the last night which has an event called "Jesus Jam."  Jesus Jam involves an evening of praise and worship and prayer that is really centered at ministering to the campers.   In the past Elijah had some powerful experiences.   Elijah shared that during the Jesus Jam he was content with just praying and staying in his seat.  At one point he felt that someone had put a hand on his shoulder, but when he looked there was no one there.  "I think it was God's hand and that He wanted to say something to me."

"What do you think He wanted to say?" Maria followed expecting something kind of cliche and along the lines of, "I love you very much," or, "I will always be with you."

"Jesus told me, that He wants me to go and become one of those people that shares His love with others.   You know, a...  um...   missionary."

Let that sink in....

An eleven year old boy said that...

Up to this point Maria and I had been extremely careful NOT to say anything about FMC and missionary work around the children.   We realized that talking about getting up and moving, especially because it was something that we were only considering, could be very unsettling and we did not want to cause unneeded anxiety in our kids.

But now it was apparent that God was not only preparing and leading the hearts of Maria and myself, but that He was already beginning to work in the hearts of our children.   When Maria came home and told me about the conversation, we knew that it was time to tell the kids and that it was time to call FMC.   God was growing the desires in all our hearts.

To be continued...