Get out of my stuff and wild flowers- By Josh

First of foremost...  I want to thank everyone that helped and supported our garage sale this past weekend!   Whether you help sort through mountains of clothes, set up tables, carry endless number of boxes and bins, donated items to be sold, made lemonade and bake goods, came and made a donation, or just came for moral support, THANK YOU!!   We are so blessed to have you in our lives and journeying with us!   You are a source of grace in our lives!

That being said...   This is hard!   Mentally, going into all this, I knew it would be challenging at times.  I did not imagine that having a garage sale could be so emotionally painful.   A couple hours into the first day I reached a point when I was just done.   My extroverted energies were tapped out and I needed an introvert battery recharge.   I was tired and all I had to eat before lunch was a hard-boiled egg.   Physically I was at a weak spot.   And all of my stuff was being rummaged through in my front yard and driveway.   It was all out there... in plain sight.... in the open.  I just wanted to kick everyone out and yell, "This is MY HOUSE!   This is MY STUFF!   Stop going through it!   Get out!"  And it wasn't just about me.   I saw people taking toys and stuff animals that my children loved and made them happy.   It hurt.  Fortunately and mercifully, the four oldest weren't there.  If a supposed grown and mature man in his late 30's had a hard time, I could only imagine how taxing and challenging it would have been for them.   I had strong feelings of anger and confusion.  That night I laid awake for an hour and half wrestling and second guessing what we were doing.

People have told us how our journey is inspiring and beautiful.  But the reality is, it is hard.   We are not any different than anyone else.   We do not find ourselves enveloped in some perpetual and profound mystical experience.   FMC often says that the life of a missionary is not glamorous but it is glorious.

Needless to say, we still had the garage sale and it was successful.   During communion on Sunday, one of the songs that was played was "How He Loves."  I was reminded how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father.   And I find myself praying, "God, I can give you these things.   How can I hold them back when I consider how generous and loving You have been with us?"   Our journey towards FMC is not about some kind of penance or thinking that this will make us holier through a sanctification process.   But it is an awareness of God's love for us, and wanting to give back.  It is loving Him who has loved us first.   I found myself asking "What more can I do for You?   How can I be generous back?"

I imaged myself before our loving Father who simply delighted in us loving Him.   As a mom delights in the bouquet of wild flowers or a dad posting a picture scribbled in crayons in the office, so too does God rejoice in our loving Him back, in the sacrifices that we offer out of love.

I guess I want to conclude with this point, never under estimate how much the Father delights in you.  He is overwhelmed with you, and He sees the hardships that you endure.   And I know many who read this blog have much heavier crosses than a garage sale.  He also sees the small and simple gifts that you leave for Him and He smiles with tears rolling down His cheeks.   Even though these acts, both big and small, might feel that they are being done in vain and there is a deafening silence in their wake, know this... there is a divine embrace all around you sometimes just beyond your perception.   I don't know why it often seems so dark, but press into that love of the Father.