The New Post and Mission

Rebekah saying hi to Grandpa.

We are long over due for a blog post.   In early April we sent out an email announcing our discernment to return back to Buffalo to help take care of Dad with his decline in health due to stage 4 prostate cancer and complications due to paralysis from the mid-chest down.   As we drove back from Mexico to Buffalo, we realized that two years ago almost to the week, we had moved to my parents as we prepared to sell our house before going into missions.

Unexpected hospital visit.

The past two months back in the U.S. has had its challenges and moments of grace.  Dad's health goes up and down and we learn not to take the time or health we have for granted.  I'm sure Dad has his harder moments, but his spirits and faith remain strong and inspiring for family, friends, and all those around him.

Holding hands.

Dad and I have had a number of conversations on miracles and giving God glory.  We know that our God is a God who can do miracles, and we pray for a miraculous healing.  Perhaps a total or even partial healing could give an amazing witness to God's love.  But what if God does not answer that prayer? Please understand that this is no longer an intellectual exercise or some form of thought experiment.  This is a real concrete situation that literally strikes home, that’s personal and emotional.  And to be honest, there are times when we all look at each other and agree that this sucks and is messy.  In this mess, and this crap is a cross. God can be glorified through the cross.  The cross bears witness to God’s love.  Dad’s quality of life may change as he uses bedpans and catheters, and requires more help around the house and getting around, his dignity as a human person, as a child of God does not diminish.  We even see how our love and service to Dad gives witness to his dignity as we humbly try to share God’s love with him.   Recently Maria was washing Dad's feet and applying lotion when she got a sense of Christ saying, "These are my feet.   Thank you."

There is a beautiful expression of love found in my parents’ sacramental vows of marriage “in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.”  They give witness to the beauty and the power of marriage.  For years they would sign their letters “With all my love, for all my life.”  Each of them have half that salutation engraved on the inside of their wedding bans.  It is in the cross of suffering, loss, disappointment in a different future than one they had planned, that love is found true and pure.  The unconditional love between Mom and Dad, expressed in their service, their tears, their prayers, their holding of hands, mirrors and manifests a glimmer of the unconditional love of God for each of us.  Just as Mom and Dad are there for each other in these hard times, Christ is with us in ours.   Last weekend Dad passed the baton of being the present of Rotary.   He took that opportunity to honor Mom.

We have seen this companionship with Christ in other ways. Having traveled to other countries before missions, including Nicaragua, I know it can be a challenge to come back to the States and to have a little reverse-culture shock. Before going to Mexico, other missionaries have shared that when returning home to the US, it is not unusual to feel guilty for how much we have in our country.  Reentry can include strong feelings of disgust for tendencies in the US culture towards materialism, consumerism, and utilitarianism.  Missionaries have experienced anger with how much perfectly good food is wasted because of health laws, or ashamed at the size of houses that we have in the U.S. Overall I am overwhelmed by love and generosity of family, friends, the parish, and community.  So many meals have been given.  So many projects around the house completed.  So many offers to help watch the kids while we take Dad to appointments.  So many calls to the house to sit and visit with Dad.  There are times when people stop by or call and ask, “What can I do to help?  Is there a project that I can do?”  And often I don’t even know what to say.  There are probably a thousands things that need or could be done, but they escape my mind at that moment.  So many people that I have walked to the door on their way out and asked, “And how are you doing?  How is your family?”  And if you catch me at the right moment, I may even tear up, for any number of reasons.  

In all these situations I am reminded of a situation that happened in Louisiana while on missions.  FMC became aware of an older gentleman with some physical set backs in need of a ramp to his house.  One of the missionaries stopped by to visit and to offer to buy and construct the ramp for him.  When he arrived the gentleman was on the porch with some of his buddies.  As soon as the missionary asked about the ramp, the gentleman smiled.  He turned to his friends and said laughing in a thick Cajun accent, “See I told you! I told you my God is faithful!”  Sometimes we never know when our companionship with those in need is the opportunity for God to be in companionship with them as well.  In our smiles and hugs, God is smiling upon them and is holding them in an embrace.

Christ never said that He would take away suffering.   In fact He promised the opposite.  "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself,take up his cross, and follow me." (Matthew 16:24) But He also promised to be with us.  And He gave our suffering meaning and made it redemptive.  Christ can use our crosses to show His love to others, to draw others to Him, to inspire others.  Several people have commented on how Dad's faith and trust in God, even in these hard times, have led them to seek God and return to prayer and church.   It is the paradox of the witness of the cross.   It reminds me of second century Christian author, Tertullian, who wrote, "The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church."

Sharing God's love at "Music on the Lawn" in Black Rock.

So we pray for miracles, aware that sometimes the greatest miracle is the one where we find Christ with us in the crosses of life.   That God's love knows no bounds and that from time to time we can see it.  Ignatius of Loyola shares that one should not prefer riches over poverty, health over sickness, a long life over a short one.  That all these things can glorify God, and we should should desire whatever glorifies Him and whatever shares and gives witness to His love.

Despite living in Buffalo his entire life, this is Dad's first time at the Anchor Bar.   Famed birthplace of the "buffalo wing."

Getting some rays.

These past couple months have given us time to reflect over our time in missions especially the couple months that we had in Allende with the Garzas and Schmidts.   We thought we would be there for a year or more.   We had ministry goals and objectives.   But God had us there for others reasons, which looking back in hindsight we can see why we were there when we were there.   God was able to use us to bridge the gap between two amazing missionary families and a language barrier, and in so doing help form a new missionary community in Northern Mexico.   God invited us to journey with the Garzas through a transitional period in some of their ministries and, through the generosity of benefactors, Tonio was able to spend a month at language school with us in Guadalajara.

So where are we going from here?   God seems to be calling us to remain in the Buffalo area for the foreseeable future.   We feel that God is calling us to be close to family and we are prayerfully discerning which ministries and careers God may be calling us to next.   In prayer we have a sense that whatever God is calling us to next, our past two years were necessary to get us ready for the next chapter.  Regardless we still desire to keep the relationships with our dear friends and partners in missions.   Full-time missions may not be possible, but we intend to keep strong relationship with FMC and will continue to work with them.   In fact as I am writing this Maria and Rebekah are on their way back from leading a week long mission trip in Allende.   Look forward to learning more in a future blog.   In the meantime here are some photos from their time back in Mexico.

Here is this blog's music video.   It seems appropriate.

Recuérdame Mi Fidelidad

The other day I found a church with adoration.   I had a little heart to heart with God about the future, our ministries, our relationships and friendships here in Mexico, my Dad's health, the unknown, my anxieties...  you know just the small stuff.  (And sometimes the small stuff, doesn't feel like small stuff... more like mountains.)

I began to be consoled that the Lord is pleased that we are seeking Him, His relationship, and His direction, and He lead me to Luke 11:3, "Give us this day our daily bread."   Just take one step, one day at a time.   God reveals His plan slowly.  The grace, the bread, is for that moment.  Around that time three American woman entered the church and one came up behind me, whispering in my ear, "I like your shirt."  I was wearing my red FMC shirt with a quote from Mr. Frank, the founder of FMC.   "Our God is a real God who does real things for real people in the real world."   As a missionary, I too need to be reminded of that reality at times.  Sometimes God send us strangers to minister to us.

For the first time, God began to put a message on my heart in Spanish.  "Recuérdame mi fidelidad.   Remind me of my faithfulness, as the prophets of old often did.   Reminding me of my faithfulness and promises, is not an act of doubting, but of faith.  It is a faith that hopes."   Throughout the Scriptures we find numerous heroes of the faith who turn to God and remind Him of His covenant.   For example Moses pleads to God to remember His faithfulness and covenant with Abraham after the golden calf, otherwise the Egyptians would say that the Lord led out to the desert to die.  (Exodus 32:11-14)   It is important to go back to those treasure chest memories of those times where we seen God work, for prayers answered, for doors opened and closed, for those times where He has spoken so clearly through the Scriptures, through a friend, in prayer.

I turned to a daily devotional that I often use in prayer.  "Just carry out my wishes and leave me to carry out yours... Every mountain of difficulty shall be laid low, the rough places of poverty shall be made smooth, and all who know you, shall know that I, your Lord, am the Lord."

When we started blogging during our preparation to go into missions, we always wanted to make sure we kept it real as we share the highs and lows, the everyday miracles and the struggles of our hearts.   That missions would be demystified.  All for the greater glory of God and to give witness to His faithfulness and that no matter where you may be as your read our blog, that God can reach your heart with His grace in the current circumstance of your life.

When Receiving is a Blessing

As missionaries, we feel often inadequate in ministry situations.   Especially when there is a language barrier.   Sometimes we don't have the words to say, we don't understand the details of the particular situation and we feel that we are fumbling through the moment.  We pray that people are sincere when they say, "thank you" and "that really helped."  We thank people for inviting us to journey with them through their situation, to please come back, and we place our trust in God.   The experience of wishing we could do more often follows as we are faced with our own limitations.   Others affirm us and reiterate that God is using us, but we doubt.   Being the minister and giver can blind us from God's grace in the moment.

Nieces and nephews visiting Dad

Until we have the opportunity to sit in the other chair.   When the tables are turn, we become the receiver, the one who is comforted rather than the one who is comforting.   A couple days after arriving in Allende on January 26, we learned that my Dad, John, was in the hospital.  During Christmas he had slowed down.  Considering his recovery from his broken back about a year ago and the cold Western New York weather, we thought that this may turnout to be the new normal.   However shortly after heading back into missions, Dad began to lose sensation and mobility in his legs and he quickly declined.   Following an alarming morning and a visit to the ER, doctors found a tumor on his spine at top of his surgery from last winter.   Several tests later and after surgery to remove the compression around the spine, it was revealed that Dad has metastasized prostate cancer (CRPC to be specific).   What does this mean for Dad and Mom?   What does this mean for my sibling and their families?   How does this affect us and missions?   Feelings of guilt for being afar returned in a similar fashion to when Maria's mom struggled with breast cancer, or when my Dad was in the car accident.

In this dark and confusing places, God, reaches in with His love, warmth, and light.  We have already received God's blessings through the generosity of Tonio and Mari Garza, community leaders, multiple times throughout this past year.  Even though Tonio didn't have the words to comfort me in English, he is here.   His presence, a hug, the compassionate look in his eyes, knowing that he is praying makes a huge difference.   A couple weeks ago we had an hour of adoration and prayer in the chapel as a missionary community.   I held back the tears as I made out bits and pieces of Tonio's prayer for my father in Spanish.   It is my turn to lean on another, and to find God's grace and His mystical body in the friends and companions He has placed in my life.   Despite what might be perceived as a deficiency due to language, Tonio's pastoral care is more than sufficient as a vehicle of God's grace.

Tio (Uncle) Tonio and Rebekah

The Prayer of St. Francis includes lines like, "Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console," and, "For it is in giving that we receive."   Sometimes God's grace is in being the receiver.   We need to lean on each other, upon the Body of Christ.  I realize I don't have to be perfect; I don't have to be have the words, or know the language, or have the answers.   It is not my ministry, it is God's.   Perhaps it is through being ministered to, that I can learn this lesson that God's grace and greatness doesn't depend upon me even when He chooses to work through me.

Life continues  since returning to Mexico.   Here are some updates...

We spent two weeks searching for our new house and setting it up.   Houses in Mexico come a little differently then what we are use to in the U.S.   Literally houses come with nothing but bare walls, windows, exterior doors, and maybe an interior door.   There were simple light fixtures, plugs and switches, but only one light bulb.   There were no kitchen counters, cupboard, sink, or any appliances.  The bathroom did have a tile bathtub, a sink and toilet, but there were no knobs on the bathtub.   There was also no hot water heater or gas tank.

Kitchen/ living room

School room/ family room

Kids' bedroom

Master bedroom

Biggest bathtub we have ever had!

Patio

Andy helping the kids build their bunk beds

God has blessed us with a generous landlord who is putting in several home improvements and we have a generous missionary community who has helped us with appliances and custom bunk beds.

Paintings from our old home make it feel like home

Girls' bunk bed with storage

Boys' bunkbed

New kitchen counter

We have also been busy taking evening classes at the parish training us to be extraordinary ministers that are able to give communion to the home-bound ill and elderly and lead communion and liturgy of the word services in chapels.   We had the opportunity to put the training into practice at an Ash Wednesday service.   Maria rocked her reflection on the Lenten School of the Cross!

Last Friday we were graced to be received as a community by our local bishop, Bishop Alonso Gerardo Garza Treviño in Piedras Negras.

 

We arrived last weekend back in Guadalajara for four weeks of language school.   Tonio and the Schmidt family are joining us, albeit, Tonio is here for four hours a day of intensive language courses in English!   It is so exciting to think where God might use Tonio in ministry.   We leave Guadalajara on March 17.   Maria and the kids will then travel back to Allende with the Schmidts and Tonio.   I plan on flying back to Buffalo for a week to help and visit Dad as he will need someone with him 24/7 and will probably begin chemo and radiation treatments around that time.

Please pray for my Dad, Mom, and the rest of my family.