What Does Missions do to the Kids?

 

Before we entered missions, one of my biggest concerns Josh and I had was what does living in missions do to kids?  My marriage and the children are our primary vocation, so everything we do is done with them in mind first.  I have spent the past four months observing, praying, talking, listening, worrying, and learning.  (Not necessarily in that order.)  Overall the kids are thriving in this community environment, surrounded by their friends and adults that care and love them.  There are certainly the tearful “goodbyes” when we left New York and Ohio.   And there are times when I realize the term “going home” always needs a clearer explanation because we have so many places we call “home” now.  Those times can leave me feeling less than equipped as a parent. 

I wanted to tell you one story in particular of what the environment of missions does to kids. When our time in Mexico in November was coming to a close, I had been spending the previous few days helping a Mexican family of 7 who had lost everything inside their house except some stuff in their kitchen and the clothes on their back.  (Their circumstance is a story for another time if you haven’t heard me tell it in person already).  Their oldest son is about 11, and while we had found it easy to shop for most of the other members of the family to replace their clothes, we had a difficult time with the oldest son’s clothes simply because he was in the more expensive pre-teen sizes. 

We wanted to be sure to use our funds carefully, so I offered to approach our oldest son Elijah (12 years old) to see if he would be willing to give some of his clothes to the boy.  Elijah jumped at the opportunity, so we went to the room and he pulled out his suitcase.  I explained to him what the boy would need, and I gave Elijah instructions to pick out shirts, both warm and short sleeved along with pajama pants if he felt like it, but he could not give any of his jeans, shorts or khaki pants away.  Elijah had two pairs of jeans with him, one with holes and one without, along with one pair of khaki pants, and two pairs of decent shorts.  I explained that I could not keep up with washing his pants as it was, so not to worry, we had already bought a pair of jeans for the boy, and that would be enough.

I watched as Elijah worked through his cloths, counting out the days we had left in Mexico for that trip, and neatly folding and giving away as much as he could, including some of his favorite shirts and pajama pants.  He explained to me how the boy would need a couple of golf shirts, (“Just in case he needs to look dressed up”), and some really warm layering shirts (“I should be just fine with my hoodie”).  I was thrilled with Elijah’s willingness to give so much away.  I then left the room to grab a few plastic bags for him to pack his donated clothes.

 

When I came back with the bags, I came to Elijah waiting as if he had prepared something to say.  He dove in to an argument he had clearly been planning in his mind.  “So Mom, I was thinking….he only has one pair of jeans that you bought him.  I have two.  I know I can’t give away my khakis, I need those for meetings and church.  But if I give him my good pair of jeans then he will have two pairs, which he will need.  I can keep my one, and I will be really careful.  I will only wear my khakis for church, and I will take them right off and fold them up right away.  If I am wearing my jeans I will only wear them as long as I don’t risk getting them dirty, I’ll wear my warm up pants or shorts instead.  And you won’t have to do any more laundry, because I will be really careful, fold them up, and I’ll make it work.  Can I please give him my jeans, and a pair of shorts too?”

Of course, the only answer I could give him was yes.  He didn’t ask me to do laundry more frequently (which in all honesty would be a fair request).  He didn’t ask for me to buy him a new pair of jeans once we got back to the States.  He didn’t even ask if he could buy some new jeans with his own money. 

What does missions do to kids?  In that moment, I could see that (despite my own best efforts) missions forms kids that can think outside of their own wants, comforts and conveniences.  That Elijah was willing to give so much to someone he had only seen in passing, but never met (and certainly can’t have a conversation with yet).   He was able to see a need, and was willing to change his habits, and sacrifice on his part so someone else could have more than he had.  I was willing to encourage him to give out of his surplus, when I knew there was a bag of clothes we had left in Louisiana that would replace what he was giving away.  But he put time and effort in convincing me that he could sacrifice. 

I watched Elijah over the next few weeks take such good care of his clothes.  He never once complained or asked me to do an extra load of laundry, he always took his pants at the end of the day and folded them neatly so they were ready for the next time he needed them. 

Once we got back to Buffalo there was a pair of jeans in the drawers where Elijah keeps his clothes while we are up north.  (I have no idea where they came from).  He found them, and so excited to show me how God provides.  (Not to mention the small box of hand-me-downs he received the following week.)  He immediately saw those things as God providing, and for a 12 year old, that is a pretty incredible perspective.

What does missions do to kids?  It gives the Lord an opportunity to teach them way more about love than Josh or I could ever do on our own.  It gives the kids and opportunity to teach me how to love more, how to trust in the Lord more, and how to sacrifice when it isn’t convenient.  In missions, the Lord gets to teach my children in such a direct way, and I couldn’t be more thankful.  My kids in turn teach me.

I don’t want you to get the wrong impression….our kids are still super normal kids who occasionally need timeouts, talk back, have melt downs, and need to be reminded to be kind.  They make mess, break things, and in general are just normal kids.  I am still a mom with all kinds of weaknesses, I get cranky, tired, I struggle to homeschool, and am still the worst potty trainer known to motherhood.  But being a mission family is helping…while we still have our weaknesses and faults, the Lord is able to work through those things.  Despite the heartache of missing family and friends, and the trial of adjusting to a new “home”, missions is forming my children in ways I never could on my own, and I am so very grateful.