Our last week of training has been blessed and sometimes met
with unforeseen changes. The other title for this week's blog was almost "Discerning with Indifference."
Our departure for Mexico has been delayed. Our original plans were to leave last Friday
with our community leaders, the Schumanns, but God had other plans. Maria has had a sinus infection and cough
for the past couple weeks and we ran into a complication; she dislocated a rib
while coughing. We found a local
chiropractor and realized it was worth having us take a step back to prayerful
reconsider our immediate travel plans.
After several visits to the chiropractor and praying and discussing options with FMC’s leaders, it became
obvious to all that God was calling us to take an extra weekend in the U.S. and
to aim to leave on Monday.
For me, the situation was another good lesson in seeking
God’s will in a spirit of indifference. My
concerns and fears dealt with being perceived as being soft and somehow less
than missionary if we pushed back our missionary work. In prayer I felt God inviting me to not only
recognize the “good” of serving in Mexico, but also the “good” of staying a
little longer in Louisiana. Both are
goods and both provide opportunities to do God’s will. While it may have been tempting to
preemptively say going to Mexico was the greater good, it was not the good that
God had in plan for us.
It is like discerning between to career options, say to
become a teacher or a business owner.
Both are good occupations and can be used for God’s greater glory, but to
which is the one that God is inviting me.
In life there are some decisions that are relatively easy to recognize
if it God’s will or not. Do I rob a
bank or not? One option is a moral
evil, the other is not. It is pretty
easy to discern God’s will. Do I
consider a vocation to the priesthood as a married man? While the priesthood is a good, due to prior
decisions and commitments, it is not an option to discern.
But what about two options that are both good and do not
impede upon a previous decision, say do we stick to our travel plans or do we
consider delaying our departure due to illness? (hypothetically speaking of course.) Maybe the desires of our hearts are to go as
quickly as possible, but maybe, just maybe, we need a reminder that we are not
in charge. This is God’s mission, not
ours. My type A personality desires for
order, structure and control and this can be a good thing and can be used for
God’s glory, but it can also be a distraction and my own little idol. It is not about me, about me being in
charge. I need to decrease so that
Christ may increase. I need to seek
peace and solace in striving for indifference between both goods and seek that
which will give God greater glory.
In prayer, striving for indifference, I got the sense of God
saying, “Wait; wait for me. Seek
me.” This was not necessarily the sense
of God saying, “Wait to go to Mexico,” but, “Wait and seek Me.” I have been reading a daily devotional that
it immediately confirmed this sense, “I am you guide. Do not want to see the road ahead. Go just one step at a time. I very rarely grant the long vista to my
disciples… You are in uncharted waters… But I am with you. It was when the disciples gave us effort
after a night of fruitless fishing, that I came and the nets broke with the
over-abundance of supply.”
Maybe what God was speaking to me, can be a blessing to
you. Don’t underestimate those long
nights of prayer seeking God. Don’t
underestimate preserving in prayer when God seems distant and unresponsive. Seek the Lord; stay and wait. “I waited, waited for the Lord who bent down
and heard my cry,” (Psalm 40:2). God’s
will for the disciples were to work through the night, with seemingly fruitless
efforts. Had the disciples gave up early
and not persevered, had they gone home early, they would have missed the
opportunity to encounter Christ in that glorious morning.
Sometimes we are so busy seeking the Lord’s answers that we
miss what is really important. We miss
Him. We miss the opportunity for Him to
journey with us and to be our companion on the road. But when we seek Him and not simply His
answers, when we experience His presence, we can proclaim, “Were not our hearts
burning within us!”
Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my
understanding, and my entire will [and my desires for order and control], all
that I have and possess. You have given
all to me. To you, O Lord, I return it. All is Yours, dispose of it whole according
to Your will. Give me only Your love and
Your grace. That is enough for me.
Here are some all some updates from last week’s blog…
Dad Gehl was discharged from rehab on Friday and will spend
the next week living at with Josh’s sister’s family. He will do outpatient rehab and will get
doctors’ recommendations on how best to travel back to Buffalo next weekend. Considering that the accident was
two weeks ago, God’s miraculous hand is evident.
Mom Duke’s surgery was postponed to February 9 due to
concerns regard blood counts and avoiding the need for a transfusion. Her strength and courage is truly inspiring
as she leans into God’s abundant grace.