The New Post and Mission

Rebekah saying hi to Grandpa.

We are long over due for a blog post.   In early April we sent out an email announcing our discernment to return back to Buffalo to help take care of Dad with his decline in health due to stage 4 prostate cancer and complications due to paralysis from the mid-chest down.   As we drove back from Mexico to Buffalo, we realized that two years ago almost to the week, we had moved to my parents as we prepared to sell our house before going into missions.

Unexpected hospital visit.

The past two months back in the U.S. has had its challenges and moments of grace.  Dad's health goes up and down and we learn not to take the time or health we have for granted.  I'm sure Dad has his harder moments, but his spirits and faith remain strong and inspiring for family, friends, and all those around him.

Holding hands.

Dad and I have had a number of conversations on miracles and giving God glory.  We know that our God is a God who can do miracles, and we pray for a miraculous healing.  Perhaps a total or even partial healing could give an amazing witness to God's love.  But what if God does not answer that prayer? Please understand that this is no longer an intellectual exercise or some form of thought experiment.  This is a real concrete situation that literally strikes home, that’s personal and emotional.  And to be honest, there are times when we all look at each other and agree that this sucks and is messy.  In this mess, and this crap is a cross. God can be glorified through the cross.  The cross bears witness to God’s love.  Dad’s quality of life may change as he uses bedpans and catheters, and requires more help around the house and getting around, his dignity as a human person, as a child of God does not diminish.  We even see how our love and service to Dad gives witness to his dignity as we humbly try to share God’s love with him.   Recently Maria was washing Dad's feet and applying lotion when she got a sense of Christ saying, "These are my feet.   Thank you."

There is a beautiful expression of love found in my parents’ sacramental vows of marriage “in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.”  They give witness to the beauty and the power of marriage.  For years they would sign their letters “With all my love, for all my life.”  Each of them have half that salutation engraved on the inside of their wedding bans.  It is in the cross of suffering, loss, disappointment in a different future than one they had planned, that love is found true and pure.  The unconditional love between Mom and Dad, expressed in their service, their tears, their prayers, their holding of hands, mirrors and manifests a glimmer of the unconditional love of God for each of us.  Just as Mom and Dad are there for each other in these hard times, Christ is with us in ours.   Last weekend Dad passed the baton of being the present of Rotary.   He took that opportunity to honor Mom.

We have seen this companionship with Christ in other ways. Having traveled to other countries before missions, including Nicaragua, I know it can be a challenge to come back to the States and to have a little reverse-culture shock. Before going to Mexico, other missionaries have shared that when returning home to the US, it is not unusual to feel guilty for how much we have in our country.  Reentry can include strong feelings of disgust for tendencies in the US culture towards materialism, consumerism, and utilitarianism.  Missionaries have experienced anger with how much perfectly good food is wasted because of health laws, or ashamed at the size of houses that we have in the U.S. Overall I am overwhelmed by love and generosity of family, friends, the parish, and community.  So many meals have been given.  So many projects around the house completed.  So many offers to help watch the kids while we take Dad to appointments.  So many calls to the house to sit and visit with Dad.  There are times when people stop by or call and ask, “What can I do to help?  Is there a project that I can do?”  And often I don’t even know what to say.  There are probably a thousands things that need or could be done, but they escape my mind at that moment.  So many people that I have walked to the door on their way out and asked, “And how are you doing?  How is your family?”  And if you catch me at the right moment, I may even tear up, for any number of reasons.  

In all these situations I am reminded of a situation that happened in Louisiana while on missions.  FMC became aware of an older gentleman with some physical set backs in need of a ramp to his house.  One of the missionaries stopped by to visit and to offer to buy and construct the ramp for him.  When he arrived the gentleman was on the porch with some of his buddies.  As soon as the missionary asked about the ramp, the gentleman smiled.  He turned to his friends and said laughing in a thick Cajun accent, “See I told you! I told you my God is faithful!”  Sometimes we never know when our companionship with those in need is the opportunity for God to be in companionship with them as well.  In our smiles and hugs, God is smiling upon them and is holding them in an embrace.

Christ never said that He would take away suffering.   In fact He promised the opposite.  "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself,take up his cross, and follow me." (Matthew 16:24) But He also promised to be with us.  And He gave our suffering meaning and made it redemptive.  Christ can use our crosses to show His love to others, to draw others to Him, to inspire others.  Several people have commented on how Dad's faith and trust in God, even in these hard times, have led them to seek God and return to prayer and church.   It is the paradox of the witness of the cross.   It reminds me of second century Christian author, Tertullian, who wrote, "The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church."

Sharing God's love at "Music on the Lawn" in Black Rock.

So we pray for miracles, aware that sometimes the greatest miracle is the one where we find Christ with us in the crosses of life.   That God's love knows no bounds and that from time to time we can see it.  Ignatius of Loyola shares that one should not prefer riches over poverty, health over sickness, a long life over a short one.  That all these things can glorify God, and we should should desire whatever glorifies Him and whatever shares and gives witness to His love.

Despite living in Buffalo his entire life, this is Dad's first time at the Anchor Bar.   Famed birthplace of the "buffalo wing."

Getting some rays.

These past couple months have given us time to reflect over our time in missions especially the couple months that we had in Allende with the Garzas and Schmidts.   We thought we would be there for a year or more.   We had ministry goals and objectives.   But God had us there for others reasons, which looking back in hindsight we can see why we were there when we were there.   God was able to use us to bridge the gap between two amazing missionary families and a language barrier, and in so doing help form a new missionary community in Northern Mexico.   God invited us to journey with the Garzas through a transitional period in some of their ministries and, through the generosity of benefactors, Tonio was able to spend a month at language school with us in Guadalajara.

So where are we going from here?   God seems to be calling us to remain in the Buffalo area for the foreseeable future.   We feel that God is calling us to be close to family and we are prayerfully discerning which ministries and careers God may be calling us to next.   In prayer we have a sense that whatever God is calling us to next, our past two years were necessary to get us ready for the next chapter.  Regardless we still desire to keep the relationships with our dear friends and partners in missions.   Full-time missions may not be possible, but we intend to keep strong relationship with FMC and will continue to work with them.   In fact as I am writing this Maria and Rebekah are on their way back from leading a week long mission trip in Allende.   Look forward to learning more in a future blog.   In the meantime here are some photos from their time back in Mexico.

Here is this blog's music video.   It seems appropriate.